"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart but the welcome I receive with a restart"

Welcome friend, glad you made it! So as posting during a move seems to have become a trend on this blog, the moment has arrived for a new post - I am moving to Berlin!

I have spent the past two years living, studying, working and occasionally freezing to death in Flensburg, Germany. In between working, submitting papers and preparing presentations, I have also managed to improve my German, see the Avett Brothers in concert (yay!), contribute greatly to Ryanair's revenue and earn myself some grey hair. Thinking about all of these experiences I have made and of all of the things I have learned during this time, today I can honestly say this last change of habitat was worth it. I have learned more about human realities, about how things are rarely black or white, and how it's the grey areas that make life beautiful and make us, well, human. Most importantly, I have learned how essential it is to have friends with whom you can share all of these experiences. I have been extremely lucky to have received the trust of some wonderful people who let me into their lives and their families.

Now, on my way to Berlin - the place where I'll be working, writing my thesis and catching my breath in between coffee sips until mid-November - I cannot help freaking out about the fact that among the objects to be found in my pockets in the next three months, nothing will correspond to the notion of "home keys". As scary as this thought is, the curiosity and excitement about what life has in store for me next keep a smile on my face. And it is knowing that I have made yet another home for myself in Flensburg that keeps warmth in my heart.

Bear with me friends, I have a feeling this is going to be quite a ride! :)

The aftermath of 03/12/2011, and everything before it

Hi friends!

Today, I am writing to you as a 23-year-old for the first time. After having spent a fabulous birthday celebration that began on Friday with a party with some friends, and ended Saturday evening with a family gathering, I am finally on the train back to Flensburg. Engaging my mind in heavy contemplatory procrastination, while I should be writing a paper on the economic thought during the Enlightenment instead, much like the thinkers of the era and their theories that they based on experience, I had an enlightening moment myself, coming to a theory which I believe might just be the key to understanding the nature of things in this crazy world. Namely, while thinking about the conclusions that my experiences from the past year have brought me to, I realized what the dominating pattern is. Fact: things are rarely black or white, and grey areas are actually dominating in life's mosaic of people's characters and events.

What exactly does that mean? It means that between two or more paths that sometimes we have to choose from, rarely is one of them white, and the others black; one of them completely right and the rest completely wrong. Every choice that we make in life will deprive us of one experience, and grant with another. Fact: once you have made a choice, it is up to you to decide on how much white and how much black you will paint this experience with.

This theory does not apply only to life choices, but is applicable also to the way we see the people we come into contact with. Obviously, this is not relevant for every single person that we meet, but for the ones that we interact with more frequently. On the one hand, by creating an entirely positive image of some people, we risk to be disappointed often by their actions, while by creating an entirely negative image of other people can make us pass on some enlightening, and sometimes beautiful experiences. Fact: the best way to learn about ourselves is through interactions with others.

Now, this theory is the result of a single personal 23-year-old experience. If you have never considered this, and you decide to give it some thought after having read my post, good for you. If these thoughts are familiar to you and reading this post made you smile, then I guess our experiences don't differ much after all. Who would have said, huh? Fact: I really need to get this paper done now.

Catch you later!

DMB - Grey (street)

I've moved... Again!

Moin moin friends!

After a long break, I am back in the bloggers' universe! Since August 2010, a lot of things have happened, the most significant ones being me successfully graduating from the University of Zagreb in September 2011, and moving to the extreme North of Europe this October for the next two years. In case you're wondering what in the world brought me to Flensburg, which is situated in very much northern Germany (those of you who know me well, know also that I am more of a sunshine & warm climate kinda person), the answer to your question is - a graduate school program and a full scholarship for it. As of tomorrow, October 24th, I will be starting my career as a graduate student at the Flensburg University's International Institute for Management, pursuing an MA in European Studies.

I spent the summer trying to get done with all of my exams between various strikes at UniZG, traipsing about Istanbul (which I LOVE and can't wait to go back to), and taking a German language course in Marburg from August 1st till the end of September, which was a great opportunity to do some travelling and see the surrounding area (Frankfurt, Kassel), but also Munchen.

Finally, I arrived to Flensburg last Sunday, and have spent the week participating in various orientation activities organized by the university and the student council, through which I have explored the area and met new people, most of who will be my colleagues for the next 2 years. However, I have also given myself some time to explore the town. Here's what I've found:


The main street downtown - Grosse Strasse. This was taken on a Wednesday morning, so it's a bit empty, but it is packed on weekends.



It's just like San Fran... Only a little bit colder.



Across the bay



My favorite statue in Flensburg (at least for now): Windsbraut (The Wind's Bride)



A seagull chilling on a fisherman's boat


Today, I decided to take a bike ride to Solitude, a beach in Flensburg, which turned out not to be solitudinous after all!



So far, Flensburg has managed to surprise me with its not so cold weather, but absolutely unpredictable rain, its beautiful houses and courtyards, crowded and lively streets on Saturday and Sunday mornings, street musicians on every corner, picturesque bike trails and delicious pretzels with butter and tiny pieces of leek leaves in them.

I'll see what it has in store for me in the next couple of weeks, and will keep you posted! Until then - Gute Nacht!

This country will make you a feminist

Why?

Because once you get off your plane and request a visa at the airport, the officer will automatically put down 'housewife' as your occupation while filling out the form. You're over 20 and have a child standing next to you, what else would you be? You should be lucky there's a full-grown, intelligent man there in the first place to fill out the forms that you couldn't possibly fill out on your own.

In Bangladesh, it is not socially acceptable for a woman to wear shorts, a skirt above the ankles, or a sleeveless top, even though it's over 40°C outside.

If your hair is frizzy, you want to take a hair brush with you wherever you go, because frizzy hair will make you look messy, and you don't want that.

Even if there is a great pool in your apartment building, and it's ALWAYS empty, you shouldn't use it because men might pass by and glare at you. You might be able to sit by it though, if you have a little brother who wants to use it and needs a babysitter/lifeguard.

You are not allowed to walk to work alone, even though it's a 6-minute walk away, on the main road. Once you're ready for work, you should inform your maid (bua) that you're leaving. She will keep you company while you walk to work, meaning that she will walk 10 feet behind you and leave once you're inside the building. There's no reason for you to feel like a hypocrite about this, even if you're working in the Human Rights Advocacy office.

If you're an unmarried young woman and your family needs money, you should consider moving to a neighboring Muslim country and start working in a garments factory, or as a housekeeper for a while. That way you can send all of your earnings back home and your dad will be kind enough to decide how he will spend the money. You're married? Then your husband can take care of the money for you.

In case you picked the wrong recruiting agency to handle your migration, ended up with a tourist instead of a work visa, it could happen that you get stuck in a government office in a foreign country where you don't know anyone, nor do you speak their language, and you have no money. Your tourist visa expires in 15 days, so you should find a way how to leave the country by then, right when you're done with sightseeing.

Luckily for you and the 4 other women you're with, 3 men will come to the office to pick you up, after you've been there without food, water or a shower for 4 days, crying. You might be disappointed to hear that they have actually bought you from your agency mediator in Dhaka. No, you will not be performing the duties of a housekeeper at a respectable family's house in this town. You will now be taken to a brothel, your hair will be shaved off, you will be "decorated", and maybe raped a couple of times before the actual customers come in. If you try to disobey the 3 men that have come to pick you up, you will be brutally beaten, together with the other 4 women who are with you. At least this will take your mind off the fact that you're starving and feeling like you're about to die.

Once you're in the brothel, you might be able to manage to escape while taking the trash out. A local driver might feel sorry for you, and take you to your country's embassy. There, they will contact the recruiting agency that got you to into this mess, and threaten them in order to make sure that they get you back to Dhaka safely. Your parents will have to sell their land to be able to pay for your ticket back, which should be around 40,000 taka. Once you're back, you will first have to go and get a loan to be admitted into a hospital for treatment. Those electrical shocks sure can do damage. 3 months later, you might be able to move back home, if they'll still have you. If not, you should probably just move to a different town. It's enough that you have to deal with the stigma of "damaged goods", you really shouldn't make your family suffer just because you made a bad choice. But, in case you were married when you migrated, you should go out and find a job to be able to pay your debts back. Otherwise, your husband won't take you back, or let you see your children.



Then one day, an employee from BRAC (the organization that helped you get legal counseling and take your recruiting agency to court) will call you, asking if you would like to be interviewed by their intern, so that BRAC can have record of your case, and the intern can write a research paper on the topic. They will come by in 2 days, ask you questions that will make you cry, while one BRAC employee takes pictures, and another points their video camera at you. You will answer the questions, hoping that these people can help you to move on with your life. At the end of the interview, the translator from BRAC might approach you, giving you some money and his phone number, saying that he could help you find a job. The crowd of locals that was waiting in front of your door for the "TV people" to come out will follow them till the end of the street, while you remain standing on your doorstep, filled with a little more hope that tomorrow things will be different.

The BRAC team will drive back to the city in complete silence. The intern will review the video tapes, write her report and go home. She'll pack a bag with her and her brother's clothes, wait for her uncle and leave for her grandparents' village. Once they reach their destination, she will change into jeans and a tank top. Her uncle will get upset and tell her she can't leave the house without wearing something that covers her shoulders, so she'll do the mature thing and pout in her room for a while. Fortunately, she brought her computer, so she can vent by writing a new post for that blog she almost never updates. Half way through this post, her mind might take on a life of its own, and make her start writing about the field work experience that she can't stop thinking about. The intern will put her frustration into words and then, re-reading her post, realize how petty the issues she mentions in the beginning really are, compared to all of the difficulties these women have faced and still are facing. She might decide to wear a shirt with sleeves and leave her room.

But, where do we draw the line? At what point do we stand up for ourselves and refuse to comply with someone else's rules, that make absolutely no sense to us? Who determines what's worth standing up for, and how? These three don't even make a tenth of all the related questions I want to find an answer to right now.

The word around town is that there's only one person we can change, and that is ourselves. I'll drink some coconut water to that.

David and Maja are in Dhaka City!

After a long flight - we left Zagreb at 740 am on Tuesday and got to Dhaka at 5 am on Wednesday - David and Maja have reached their final destination! For now, that is... Right now, we're staying at our Firu auntie's hous, but were staying at Mita auntie's house for the first two days, which is pretty sweet and new, except that it has the traditional Bengali shower system - a big bucket full of water and a small jug for pouring. While I am used to this, the look on David's face when auntie explained the showering process to him was priceless. Even though we're spending most of our time at Firu auntie's house, which is really beautiful and has actual showers and tubs in it, I'm glad David got this experience, since we're visiting the village as well, and the conditions there aren't as good.

We actually already had a close encounter with a poka (cockroach) last night. While David, my cousins, Mita auntie and I were lying in bed (yes, it's a really big bed), I felt something crawling on my arm. COCKROACH. Both David and I were in the next room in a matter of about 5 seconds. Other then half of the household, we also had a bunch of food on the bed, and apparently that's why the poka joined us. The maids took the food away and swept everything, so we were good for the rest of the evening.

Food hasn't been a big issue, surprisingly enough, David has been eating normally - rice with chicken, mangoes, pineapple...It's a fruits paradise here.

The plan for today is get lunch, get on a rickshaw and go visit Firu auntie's clinic. That's what I was told of, God knows where we'll end up.:) As for the rest of our stay here, we should be visiting our grandparents in Dhamura at the end of the month, and Syleth - the famous tea gardens later on. We're both SO excited and will keep you updated!

Dhaka trip rocksss!

Love,
David and Maja (the dynamic siblings)

Joyful in hope

Hey friends ,

It has once again been a while, and once again this while has been rather eventful. I’m thousands and thousands of feet above the Atlantic Ocean at the moment, watching “Valentine’s Day” on a Lufthansa aircraft, with an iPod set on shuffle, a laptop in my lap, a mind set on the future, and a bittersweet taste in my mouth caused by much more than plane food.

I want to say that I’m heading home, but I’m not certain about where home is anymore. Your place of birth, the town you where brought up in, the place where you feel you actually grew up. The place where everyone knows both you and your family, where the waitors know how you like your coffee, the barmen know which beer you prefer, and the local store clerks know at what age you were potty trained because your parents stopped buying diapers. Or is it the place where the people around you who were not long ago strangers know all or at least most of this information because they cared enough about getting to know you to remember when you told them about it? Right now, it can be one of those, neither, or both as far as I’m concerned.

When I think of how much I have learned, all the friendships I have made, and how many people have gone in and out of my life, it has been a very long year. But looking at the state of things in Croatia, in my “home”town, and the relationships with friends and family, the year couldn’t have been shorter. Both have perks and shortcomings to them.

Still, short or long, this has been the best year so far. Judging from prior experience, a part of what I’ve learned will fade, and a lot of the people that are in my life right now will not be here after a while, for one reason or the other. Some people say that that’s how you know what and who actually matters.

Whatever happens, I’m looking forward to the future, and potentially finding out the answers to the questions buzzing around my mind right now.

Someone once said that we should be joyful in hope. I like that one. Actually, I might just make it the title of this post... :)

A presto, amici!

Special people change, lives are living strange

Dear all,

It’s been a while since I had time to post something, and so many things have happened since February!!

Here’s a quick photo summary:



I got to go to the Duke - UNC game, which we won! Great night!


The senior players talked some...


Velcro team rejoicing! :)


For spring break, I went to New York with the Duke Alternative Spring Break group. This is my group after our first day of volunteering at a soup kitchen in Manhattan.


Arun, Maja, Natalie and Jing before our last volunteering day, a grand NY tour and super yummy Italian dinner!


Marina came up to NY to visit!!! Best week ever. Well, right after the week after, which we spent in Duke together.


Our Brooklyn Bridge walk


Early mornings at the conference were tough...


...the evenings/nights being very tiring (Istanbul 2009 throwback)


Workshops!


Those crazy Croatians :)


Duke wins the National Championship!! And I thought The Duke - UNC game was the pinnacle...Silly Maja.


Then we burnt some benches...


...cruised the Main Quad and watched them burn.


I went on a Zoo trip with friends from Reality! Obviously, Devonte was my man for the day. Lunch time is our favorite time.


Marcy, Arwin and Martha chilling after a super-long and fun day!


I started interning at the Reality Center! Alex and I at the last teen TNL for the year...About to boogie.


Moved out of Erwin 1905 (sigh) and into the amazing Moneta home!


And then came the big graduation weekend!! Mohammad Yunus gave a speech at the commencement - I think it was a great choice. Working on his latest book "Building Social Business" right now.


Larry, Judy, Maja and their guest Peggy attended a Durham Bulls - Pawtuckets game. Authentic American family social event - check. Great afternoon!

Check picasaweb.com/maja.loves.life for more information.

If someone asked me to give them a recap of the year using one single word, I would use the adjective 'illuminating'. I have learned a lot through this experience, both about other people, and myself. While taking courses outside of my area of study, I got a clearer image of what I want to do later in life. Being away from loved ones, I learned to appreciate them more. Spending time in a diverse community, I found that a lot of the stereotypes I had were nothing more than stereotypes, while some were confirmed. This experience has brought many people into my life who I have learned from, but more importantly, people who I built strong relationships with which will never weaken. Even when they are gone.

Dear Duke, it's been a crazy ride. I will see you again.

As for North Carolina, catch you in the morning :)